Friday, 29 February 2008

How many lives is a 'Scoop Royal Story' worth ?

OK it's old news by now.

But the 1:30pm BBC News bulletin today carried the inevitable story that, thanks to a german who decided a scoop story was worth risking the lives of every brit in uniform west of some place they named a Nan Bread after, and thanks also to a bunch of yanks who proved conclusively they don't actually give a toss about our boys either, a certain junior officer in the Blues and Royals is on his way home.

I won't bother going into the whether or not he should have been out there.

But the sad and sorry fact is that every minute he's still out there now gives fresh hope to every intolerant, gun-totin', koran wielding follower of the cult of the dead paedophile that if they redouble their efforts to shoot anything that even remotely looked like it has a union jack on it, they might just bag the guy third in line to the british throne.

Not least, I suspect, because if they DID, there would be exactly the sort of bloodbath Osama wants, both out there, and back here.

So how much blood money has this embargo-breaking scum made from his actions then ?

Monday, 25 February 2008

Convict serving sentence for IMPORTING DRUGS is allowed out to practice LOW LEVEL FLYING

I didn't shoot this one down. Honest


Those who know me from my freelance IT days will recall the endless fun we all had in a certain utility company where a certain irish VB programmer who didn't understand the concept of a COMMIT and a ROLLBACK caused so much damage to the live customer database as a result it took me WEEKS to fix it all.

The guy worked some really wierd hours and was hardly ever anywhere to be found when the test team drove a coach and horses through the disaster he liked to call "his latest release of code" and he was forever off to spend the afternoon down at the Rhoose Flying Club logging hours for his private pilot's licence, after which he would make some change to the live system - untested of course - at 3am and break a few hundred records into the bargain.

I don't know what became of him, but for some reason his name sprang to mind when I read this news article.

"A light aircraft that crash-landed in a pensioner's back garden was carrying a prisoner on day release, it emerged today. The convict was a passenger in the Cessna 172 when the aircraft crashed in trees in the back garden of Eileen and Alfred Watling's garden in Folkestone, Kent. The elderly couple watched in amazement as the prisoner and the pilot emerged from the wreckage and dropped to the ground, shortly after taking off from Rochester Airport in Kent."

"The convict, who has not been named, was serving his sentence for importing drugs at Blantyre House Prison, Goudhurst, near Tunbridge Wells, Kent. "

So let me get this straight.

A chap is banged up for IMPORTING DRUGS and as he gets towards the end of his sentence he pops out for the day to brush up his aircraft handling technique. Just in case he might need it to start up the old business again.

Well, apart from the obvious (he needs a bit more practice at conifer avoidance drill) may I ask what bonehead allowed this criminal to get into a plane for a joyride ? I mean, if he's been banged up for IMPORTING DRUGS it won't be weed wil it, we grow that stuff at home now. So what's he importing then ? Coke ? Heroin ? Meth ? Crack ? Whatever it is I bet those flying joyrides will come in handy. I mean, down on the stuck a bit, a little more flap, back on the trim, steady, steady, ***NOW*** ..... and a plastic package flops groundwards forty feet at forty miles an hour into a headwind.

Friday, 22 February 2008

Shock Horror Has Red Ken been "Outed" as an admirer of Linford's Posing Pouch ?

Latest in a long line of 'you couldn't make it up' stories.

One minute Linford the Lunch Box is scheduled to carry the Olympic Torch through London on his way to Peking for the 2008 Olympics.

The next minute, he isn't - and Red Ken's had nothing to do with selecting him or dropping him.

Forty five minutes later Red Ken is chucking out a press release admitting that "officials" took the decision to invite Big Lad Linford and this was a mistake in which the Mayor played no part.

About half an hour after that, Big Brother has modified his doubleplus ungood dayorder for a third time and now it says he signed the letters as a formality but had no part in selecting The Lycra Codpiece King and certainly he wasn't on his five personal selections shortlist.

Where does one start with this charade ?

for a start, who were these hapless "officials", the "cigarette smoking men on the grassy knoll" who set up Red Ken in such a fine fashion. Maybe they were just cigarette smoking men brassed off at Red Ken's "roll over and be buggered" attitude to New Liebour's Anti Tobacco policy which forces them to stand on a grassy knoll and puff in the open instead of having a nice warm office.

And are we REALLY top believe that none of the FIFTY FIVE press men Red Ken hires couldn't spot the problem with Lycra Man's credibility ? That the guy retired from active sport after a bit of a palaver over drug testing. Come come Kenny, what the hell are those fifty five blokes DOING for their money.

No, I firmly believe Ken was mesmerised by the visions of Linford in his Lycra Posing Pouch. I know my missus and most red blooded women on the planet were. It wasn't the guy's face she was looking at as he barrelled down the track and thank GOD there was no HD-TV in them days.

But then again there is an alternative possibility. Could it be Ken's distracted? Taken his eye off the ball ? What on earth would distract a man in such a way ?

I don't know, but if I were in his position I might be a little diverted by stories like this one making it into the Times. And it made it to Radio 4's weekend news too, although they, left wing to the core, declined to NAME the party concerned. Listen to their sanitised version of events here

To quote a comment on that article:

"Greater Love Hath No Man that he lay down his friends for his life". Jeremy Thorpe, commenting on Macmillan's 'Night of the Long Knives' in 1962. And Thorpe knew a thing or two about Distractions. Warp Factor Nine, Scotty. Woof Woof.

Why the BBC need to teach their reporters some basic numeracy

As my profile says, I am a scientist. Well OK I qualified as one, and earned money practicing that art for a short time until Maggie T threw me out of work once she'd finished sacking all the coal miners, ship builders and steel workers.

But old habits die hard. particularly the habit of analysing the analysis of others for factual errors. I can't help it. It was ingrained into me by some of this country's finest minds of the time, and some of the world's finest of the time reinforced that when they came visiting our department.

So when I heard the other day that students were dropping out of university in droves despite an eight hundred million pound programme targetted at persuading them to stay, I was not impressed.

I was even less impressed that a significant amount of this money has been spent on organising courses in BASIC NUMERACY. This made me annoyed. I don't expect students of the arts and classics (do we still have any ?) to understand the mathematics behind molecular modelling of enzyme activity but I do expect even the lawyers need to have sufficient grasp of how to work out their bill (actually they just make up a number, triple it, and sue you if you don't pay, but that's a story for another thread).

On a more practical level no student can call themselves worthy of the title if they cannot calculate IN ADVANCE the cost of six pints of beer two glasses of soemthing wierd with a cherry and a slice of lemon in it and a blackcurrant cordial for the token moslem who must not consume booze this side of paradise.

In my day we could complete the calculation BEFORE the barmaid did. It was a matter of pride in one's mental ability. And a check that you were still sober enough to order the stuff.

So what then are we to make of the fact that students in our universities today need help with BASIC NUMERACY. But this seems to have made no difference to the numbers leaving.

I'm not surprised really, for now the government have taught them to add up properly they have finally understood how far they will be in debt thanks to the fees they must pay to take their mickey mouse degrees.

But the most delicious irony in the story is the fact that the BBC Education correspondent can't add up.

In this Ogg Vorbis Sound File you can hear the extract from the news broadcast of 8:04 on the 20th Feb where the hapless chap says "almost one in FOUR of our students - 22% - ...."

Erm ... as ever, those of you who INSIST on worshipping the Great Satan, Bill Gates by handing him Tribute in exchange for his Windoze Systems will need to download this zip file and unzip the exe within to hear the words. Or you could get yourself a real computer system. But now back to the substance.

So "Almost One In 4, 22% of ...."

Er, excuse me ... 22% is not "almost one in 4". In fact it is 50% nearer 20% or "1 in FIVE" than it is to 25% which is "1 in 4".

While BBC journalists make basic numeracy errors like this they have no business criticising the arithmetical skills of others.

But this news broadcast was never about arithmetic, as it ? It was, as always, about bending the facts to make a good story.

Saturday, 9 February 2008

Getting a P45, Archbishop ? Never mind, Islam will have you.

I couldn't help noticing a few things since the Archbishop of Canterbury made a statement saying it was 'inevitable' that some aspects of sharia law would become pplicable in this country.

Fiirst of all, the speed with which politicians have distanced themselves is spectacular. On the other hand, politicians are nothing if not cunning survivalists and they can see, and smell, a riot in the streets a mile off. After all, they've probably caused enough of them.

Second is the speed by which his underlings are calling for his resignation. A pity really. Our next King has already declared his desire to abandon his role as defender of the (anglican) faith and become instead a "defender of faiths". Now I've always been quick to riducule the system by which the monarch is defender of a faith their previous incumbent invented in order to overcome the small problem of not having any sperm wity Y chromosomes, but I say it's a bit unfair that an Archbishop must once again be labelled "a turbulent priest" and face calls for his head just because he can see clearly the mind of the next chap in line to the throne.

Third and most interesting of all id the speed by which the low-life TREVOR PHILLIPS denounced the archbishop. This particular piece of survivalist scum is perhaps the most obvious example of shit always rising to the surface, but like all survivalists, he can see when a treason plot is about to become revealed as such and has decided to pop his head out, lob a few guarded statements that britain isn't ready for sharia law and scurried back to his bunker at the CRE

But most entertaining of all is the declaration by the self styled "government in waiting" of the followers of the cult of the dead paedophile. The Muslim Council of Britain said it was grateful for the Archbishop's "thoughtful intervention" on the discussion of the place of Islam and Muslims in modern Britain. A spokesman said: "The MCB observes, with some sadness, the hysterical misrepresentations of his speech which serves only to drive a wedge between British people."

Well, there you are, Rowan. When you are handed your P45 you can always become an Imam. And King Charles III will always welcome you into his church. If he ever gets the chance to take the seat, that is.

Thursday, 7 February 2008

Sharia Law for Beginners

Homosexual men are a bit hard to find in Iran. Here's why.


I thought I would share with you a couple of audio files that might explain the vision the Archbishop of Canterbury has decided to share with us this evening.

For a start, lets hear what Eddie Mair said on PM tonight at about five past five. Help yourself to it from here.

Once you've heard that, get a load of this chap interviewed about fifteen minutes later on the same programme here. In particular note carefully his statement that sharia law has brought about the emancipation of women

I found that quite ironic. Because the BBC's own website still contains a link to a real audio file from the "Beyond Belief" series where the possibility of sharia law being introduced into britain was discussed. In that programme you can hear THIS SAME CHAP demonstrating how sharia has emancipated women, by shouting down one who lectures on islam. Why not treat yourself to a sneak peek of the future of this country, listen to the podcast of the program which I grabbed while it was available and stored here

And then book your plane ticket.

Gordy 'Lawyers Up' and tells us his manifesto isn't worth a shit.

Radio 4 this evening was surreal.

At 5:25 we have a chap saying sharia law emancipated women (yeah, I'll grab that MP3 coz you won't believe it) and then an hour later a UKIP chap comes on to say Gordon Brown 'Lawyered Up' for a fight in court in which his defence was that his manifestos are so full of shit you couldn't use them to wipe your arse with.

Over on Newportcity.Blogspot.Com a chap who maintains "The Lone Voice" has done a magnificent article on the background. And I will grab the MP3 of the UKIP chap as soon as I can.

But in brief, this UKIP supporter took Gordon Brown to court to demand a referendum over the Treaty Of Lisbon. And he lost. Well, that may not be surprising. But what was surprising to me was how he lost. I had expected the court to throw the case out on the grounds that the Treaty was nothing like the constitution we were promised a referendum over. And then have the unedifying spectacle of the judge being forced to admit that rather a lot of euro-philes have come out and said that actually, it is in fact the constitution by another name and in several documents instead of one.

But no. Brown decided to send in a lawyer to make the case that no one can have a legitimate expectation that a governemt can be bound by its manifesto pledges.

And he won the case. Thus proving that no manifesto can be used to wipe your arse. because it'a already full of shit.

Wanted for Giving Succour to Terrorists


Ladies and gentlemen of the bloggiverse, I present for your perusal the first couple of paragraphs of Chapter 11 of the Terrorism Act 2006. Where the hell the other 10 chapters have gone is anyone's guess, but you can get your hands on this one and read it yourself here


1 Encouragement of terrorism

(1) This section applies to a statement that is likely to be understood by some or all of the members of the public to whom it is published as a direct or indirect encouragement or other inducement to them to the commission, preparation or instigation of acts of terrorism or Convention offences.

(2) A person commits an offence if—

(a) he publishes a statement to which this section applies or causes another to publish such a statement; and

(b) at the time he publishes it or causes it to be published, he—

(i) intends members of the public to be directly or indirectly encouraged or otherwise induced by the statement to commit, prepare or instigate acts of terrorism or Convention offences; or

(ii) is reckless as to whether members of the public will be directly or indirectly encouraged or otherwise induced by the statement to commit, prepare or instigate such acts or offences.


Note those words carefully

... is reckless as to whether members of the public will be directly or indirectly encouraged or otherwise induced ...

Ladies and Gentlemen I put it to you that when the Archbishop of Canterbury, The Primate of All England, He Who Stands as Head of the World-Wide Anglian Communion, the man who stands in the shoes of the man Henry VIII gave the job of leading his church after "Christ's vicar on earth" wouldn't see it Henry's way over a divorce settlement (Oh .. Er .. maybe the job isn't so white as the driven snow after all ... No, sod it, some things are worth standing up for) ... Yes ladies and gentlemen I say that when the ARCHBISHOP OF CANTERBURY, the MAN WHO MUST ANOINT OUR NEXT SOVEREIGN (Oh hell, he says he wants to change HIS job description in the defender of the faith dept too .. oh bugger) ... As Iw as saying Ladies and Gents, when this man who stands there as the head of our church, no matter how rickety the platform, says it is INEVITABLE that the laws of trhis land must bend to the will of the TURK, then *I* say it is time to find someone who will rid us of this turbulent priest. Or at the very least prepare a file for the CPS on whether his words violate the above act by recklessly giving those who would commit violence in their cause hiope in their hearts that there is reason to do so.

Have you heard the one about the archbishop, the prince and the politician ...?

A year or two ago I was driving home at 6:30 on a Friday and I nearly put the car off the road.

Why ? Because Mitch Benn had just stepped up to the mike on 'The Now Show' and said something like this .....

SOME WEEKS ... you spend HOURS, DAYS scouring newspapers looking for a story, a picture, and you end up yelling OH GOD let me find SOMETHING,ANYTHING that sounds remotely funny --- apd preferably about which I can write something that RHYMES ...

And then some days you just open the paper .....


I don't recall if he went on to tell the story of the hapless Keith Richard, of Rolling Stones fame, who did himself some damage falling out of a palm tree when others of his age with more sense would have called the fire brigade to do whatever it was he needed to do up there, or whether he went on to tell the story of the South American Ambassador whose absence from the Ferrero Rocher handout was explained when he was found, bound and gagged, naked, in a piece of equipment normally used for sadomasochistic bondage games.

No matter.

But this afternoon I found a plethora of things to talk about on the news, ranging from the Archbishop who is clearly in league with Osama, and should now be taken out and hanged for giving cuccour to terrorists, to the archbishop's sidekick in dodgy dealings, the current incumbent of Number Ten, who sent a lawyer to put the case that no-one can have any legitimate expectation that a politician;s manifesto commitment has any more substance than the writings of the Brothers Grimm.

It's going to be a long night.

Tuesday, 5 February 2008

An Englishman's Home has NEVER been his castle if the King Wants The Door Kicked In

Isn't it fun seeing how journalists twist and turn the truth to their own ends.

I wonder how many people remember the events recalled in this article for the guardian. Using the backdrop to the way the Metropolitan Police rather over enthusiastically enforced a little known council regulation that bald men must not sport beards (well I can't think of any other reason the metplod kicked their door in and shot one of them without warning, can you ...? I mean, they didn't even look REMOTELY Brazilian ...)

But how typical of the Gruniad to take the law and bend its interpretation to their ends. Take a look at the following paragraphs ...

"What few understand is that, under Blair's continued campaign against the people's rights, forced entry is going to become a lot more common in Britain, although not perhaps with the overwhelming force of Forest Gate. Running in parallel with legislation that invades our privacy - the ID cards' national identity register and the total surveillance by number-recognition cameras in cities and on motorways - is an attack on that great principle of English law, the 'inviolability of the dwelling house'.

The right dates back to 1604, the year that Shakespeare presented Othello to James I and his court and a man named Semayne complained that his home had been broken into and his assets seized by the sheriff. The judgment that followed declared: 'The house of every one is his castle.' It went on to say that if a door is open, a sheriff may enter but that 'it is not lawful for the sheriff, on request made and denial, at the suit of a common person to break the defendant's house.'
But what this witless fool fails to properly explain is the precise legal meaning of the words "at the suit of a COMMON person".

The case in point was a CIVIL action, not a CRIMINAL one. The legal judgement that followed made it illegal for anyone, if denied entry, to break in to a house to seize assets for the settlement of a debt. This is the reason why The Consumer Credit Act gives you the right NOT to return goods "incorporated into your home" if you cancel a credit card after buying and incorporating those goods. Yes you are still liable to PAY for those goods, but you cannot be forced to give them up.

But this has nothing to do with the CRIMINAL law or the business of the king. My ancestor, a norman knight granted a large chunk of Northamptonshire in return for services rendered in the area of Military Consultancy (Hint: "Ere, Watch It, You'll Have Some Bugger's Eye Out With That Arrow If You're Not Careful" - source Anon, MLXVI) was granted the right to hold court and mete punishment over his serfs and villeins and so was every other 'noble' empowered by William of Normandy.

For where the business of the King, or the Lord of The Manor is concerned, that door is coming off its hinges like it or not.

It really annoys me when people use Semayne's Case as evidence of erosion of one's rights versus the criminal law. Although one of Blair's last actions was indeed to bring in legislation in the guise of providing protection for victims of domestic violence which does in fact stand the judgement in Semayne's Case on its head. But that's another story.

Ironically my ancestor's great, great .... grandson handed back the right to try and hang the criminals in his manor in exchange for a solemn undertaking that the sovereign would give most grave attention to the pleas of his serfs and villeins for justice from the king or his servants.

It's a pity we did that, really. There's a few villeins I'd cheerfully like to hang.

Monday, 4 February 2008

This woman should stay in her third world hospital. Because ours are worse.

I sometimes despair at the attitude of the do-gooders and the apparently righteously indignant.

Over here you will see the bleeding hearts bleating that a woman who came to this country as a student, but then began working here illegally as a cleaner, and was deported back to her home country as a result, despite being terminally ill, is 'geting worse' and should be 'readmitted to the UK' so her life can be 'prolonged'.

Oh really ? I wonder if these do-gooders know what they are really asking for. You see, she was being treated at the University Hospital of Wales, Cardiff. An establishment I have had experience of on both sides of the health service.

More than twenty years ago I had an office there. As a newly graduated biochemist in my clean white coat I confess to having a certain amount of pride in what I was doing and the way 'my bit' was part of a greater whole working for the greater good. Oh the innocence of youth. Shocking that without it, and the confidence that ignorance bestows, the human race would have gone the way of the dinosaurs.

But a little over two years ago I was back in that same establishment. This time as the 'next of kin'. My father, admitted there in the end stages of prostate cancer, had been left to die in a filthy room with holes in the walls where the old central heating had been removed years earlier and the holes left unplugged. The floor was dirty and the bins were overflowing.

I can think of many better places to die. The gutter of the A48 outside this once magnificent edifice to the medical profession, for a start. It is warmer there, and cleaner.

I ask why, if a man born in Essex in 1930 who stayed in London and survived the blitz as a kid, who "did his bit" in national service, and who then went on to work first for the GPO, then for our Atomic Energy Industry, and then in Britain's fledgling Computer Industry, who paid UK tax and NI every day of his working life until prostate cancer forced his early retirement, can be left to die in a stinking hell hole, why should a woman born over thirty years later, in a foreign land independent of this one, who came here as a student and then repaid our generosity by breaking the terms under which she was allowed to live here, by working illegally, and thus by paying no tax or NI at all, why should she be allowed to benefit from the National Health Services paid for from the taxes collected from the honest workers of this country, myself and my father included.

But while you beat your chests and rail against my callous disregard of the needs of a dying woman, let me ask you two things.

First of all, why are you surprised that a terminally ill woman's condition is worsening ? That, after all, is what being "terminally ill" MEANS. You are ill. Then you get worse. And then you die. And there's not a lot ANYONE can do.

And second of all, if you could have stood with me in that ward in December 2005 near where once I was proud to work, you would have seen me close to tears. Not at the death of my father. I've seen death before. And for him it was a release. No, my sorrow was for what the establishment he died in had become.

Trust me on this one. Ama Sumani is better off dying in a third world hospital in Africa. Becaus ethe one these do gooders want to get her back in is worse. Far worse.

The End Of The Line for real life "Crowner John's"

A good friend of my father's once told me the one place you never want to find yourself dragged into is the jury box. "Particularly if it's a coroner's jury", he said, continuing "because the lawyers there all think they're Perry Mason"

Well if Gordon Brown has things his way (and that's what seems to happen these days) I might never get to find out. Because Gordy is deeply unhappy at the way the Coroner can bring in a jury to hold a fairly public review of how someone met their end.

It would seem he is manouvering his artillery to arrange a situation where 'certain inquests' would be held in private, without a jury, and he presided over by a particular official.

Well, I can certainly see why he might want to do that. I mean, the inquest into how Diana and Dodi met their end is probably a prime example of one inquest he'd like to quosh. Mainly because it reveals that christ knows how long after she met her end she's STILL more popular than him. But there are a few more cases I can think of.

For a start, there's this story. Tony Collins' book "Open verdict" ISBN 0-7474-0146-2 is an interesting read.

And any minute now there is going to be an unholy row over the revelations that servicemen "volunteering" for a cure into the common cold were sent to places like Christmas Island, where the LD50 for nuclear radiation of the cold virus AND the man hosting it was measured. Again, not something I'd want dragged into the public glare by "News At Ten"

But the coroner has not always been this public spirited. A man I knew professionally from my previous line of work has carried out a detailed study of the office, for both research and literary purposes. The 'hero' of his fictional novels is a holder of the original office of state that became the coroner. And his main job seems to be to determine whether the Norman coffers can be further swelled by amercements (that's fines to you and me) levied upon saxon vilages in which persons not proven to be saxon, and not proven to be foreigners, were found dead. The idea being that the Norman Conquerors, strapped for cash, declared that any corpse NOT foprmally identified as SAXON or FOREIGN would be presumed NORMAN and would therefore be presumed to have been murdered by the nearest saxon villagers. And would therefore be "amerced" the "murdrum fine" for their misdeeds.

The principle that a man is guilty until proven innocent was of course gleefully seized upon by the people now known as Her Majesty's Revenue And Customs who have applied the principle from Mediaeval times and continue to do so to this day.


But guess what. The Metropolitan Police can't stand the current coroners system either. A google search will turn up a summary of a most scathing attack on the coroner's court system, published on a website 'Metline.co.uk' in September 2005. This was the online presence of the Metropolitan Police Federation, who have moved to The "less commercial sounding" www.metFED.ORG.uk

Clicking the old link now gets you a '404 Not Found' message as the Met has (once again, some might say ?) succeeded in removing the evidence of its actions from public view. But they forgot that gogle has a cache and in there you can find these words :-

Coroners' courts began in Norman times. Now their modernisation is dangerously overdue. Almost exactly 30 years ago, a coroner's jury returned a verdict which shook the English legal establishment. The six men and three women sitting at Westminster Coroner's Court decided that 29-year-old Sandra Rivett – who, prior to being battered to death, had been working as a nanny in Belgravia – had been murdered.

So far, so good. But the jury didn't stop there. They went on to name the man who, they decided, was the murderer - Miss Rivett's employer, Lord Lucan.

Westminster Coroner Dr Gavin Thurston immediately issued a warrant committing the peer for trial at the Central Criminal Court, while the Met's Det Ch Supt Roy Ranson assured the press that his team was still looking for Lord Lucan “all over the world”.

They needn't have bothered with the warrant or the search – not because Lord Lucan was never found but because, even if he had been unearthed and transported to the Bailey, he would almost certainly have walked. For how, as aghast lawyers pointed out, could one jury – in a criminal court – exercise a presumption of innocence on the part of the defendant when another jury – in a coroner's court – had already found him guilty?

Which meant there would have been one lucky, and probably murderous, lord on the loose.

English lawmakers moved with uncharacteristic speed to ensure that never again could a coroner's court screw things up on this scale. The Criminal Law Act 1977 outlawed the practice of apportioning guilt at inquests.

And yet the coroner's court system continues to cast a baleful influence on the criminal justice machine, as Metropolitan Police officers have found to their cost.

Once again, this has been brought into sharp and frightening focus by the Harry Stanley case. A coroner's court has been pivotal in the half decade-plus that Neil Sharman and Kevin Fagan have had, inhumanly, to spend on the legal rack. This court has conducted two inquests into the death of Harry Stanley. The two respective juries, under the guidance of the coroner, returned two different verdicts. Both verdicts were overturned by the High Court upon judicial review. The cost in human terms of this fiasco has been high, in the form of gnawing uncertainty for Neil, Kevin and their families. And as we know, their nightmare goes on.

This is far from being an isolated case. The Roger Sylvester case, for example, also involved a coroner's court verdict which was subsequently overturned in the High Court.

It shouldn't be like this. And it needn't be. The Government has in front of it a blueprint to overhaul these living legal fossils – coroner's courts date back to the days of the Norman conquest – to ensure they do not undertake quasi-judicial proceedings for which they are totally unsuited. Four years ago, Home Office Minister Beverly Hughes ordered a review of coroner's services in England and Wales. In April 2003, a team headed by Tom Luce, who is a former Head of Social Care Policy at the Department of Health, presented its report, which recommended widespread reform to make the system relevant for the 21st century.

The Luce report was given an apparently enthusiastic welcome by the Home Office, where Minister Paul Goggins admitted: “The coroner system has long laboured under outdated legal provisions which were never designed to meet the demands of today's society.

“The shortcomings within the current system have become increasingly evident and it is essential that we build an effective, supportive and transparent system that commands public confidence.”

But now, two years later, coroner's courts remain untouched by any of the Luce report's recommendations, with grim implications for officers nationwide if they find themselves in a similar position to Kevin Fagan and Neil Sharman. The report underscores the difficulties which are caused by the short-form verdicts which coroner's juries return - for example: 'accidental death', 'misadventure' 'open' and, of course, 'lawful/unlawful killing'. The latter is described in the report as “problematic” and the authors put their finger straight on the nub of the difficulty.

The report explains: “It is the business of the criminal justice system to decide what is murder or manslaughter. “The process of criminal investigation and trial are more suited to that purpose than any process achievable in the coroner's court. “The coroner's court does not have the same rules of evidence or provide the protections against wrongful incrimination required inter alia by the European Convention on Human Rights.”

One of the Coroners' Rules - which govern the conduct of coroners' courts - stipulates that: “No verdict shall be framed in such a way as to appear to determine any question of... criminal liability on the part of a named person...” (this is the hangover from the Rivett inquest). And yet, in a case like that of Harry Stanley, in which the names of the officers who shot him are not in dispute, how could a verdict of unlawful killing, which was returned (wrongly, according to the High Court) by the jury in the second inquest, fail to point the legal finger at 'a named person' - or, in this case, two.

But the report notes: “If the coroner, mindful of the care shown in the civil and criminal justice systems to protect all parties from casual incrimination or imputations of liability, steers the proceedings away from 'unlawful killing', the family [of a deceased relation] is likely to feel that the system has offered them a glimpse of a meaningful outcome but then made it virtually unattainable. “This is to design conflict and disappointment into the system.” The short-form verdict is also a magnet for media attention, the report points out.

The Luce report therefore proposes doing away with these verdicts and recommends that the outcome of any inquest should be broadly confined to a report describing the cause and circumstances of the death. It agrees that deaths need to be classified for statistical purposes but says that this is best done by using a new 'category system'. These categories would merely described the type of death which had occurred, such as 'industrial disease', 'traumatic death in the workplace', 'traumatic death at the hand of one or more people' or 'unascertained'.

The report stresses that these would not be replacements for verdicts and would be used for administration purposes only. Another important area where the report urges overhaul concerns the type of qualification for the job which a coroner should hold. At present, many coroners have a legal qualification but some have a medical one. The report says that, in future, a legal qualification must be mandatory to ensure that the investigative and judicial work which the job involves is handled efficiently. It believes, in fact, that the post requires at least five years' experience as a practising solicitor or barrister as a minimum requirement.

It also recommends that, for the first time, coroners be given formal training, both initial and on-going. As it points out, coroners are, incredibly, the only people involved in a judicial function in England and Wales who receive no such training. And it says that coroners trying complex cases should be given professional legal help. Some coroners, it explains, “have found themselves at, or, perhaps, beyond, the limits of their capacity to fulfil all the roles demanded of them to the judicial standards expected by the modern public”. To avoid this, coroners should be able to appoint a lawyer to act as Counsel to the inquest, the report recommends. The lawyer's job would be to help to choose and prepare the evidence to be brought into court, lead the questioning of witnesses, summarise the evidence and list the possible outcome options.

Very complicated or contentious cases should be taken out of the coroners' hands completely, the report adds. Instead, a number of circuit judges should be suitably trained to conduct them. In exceptional cases, inquests should be sent to a High Court judge.

In a letter to the Home Office, published with the report, Tom Luce and his panel note that they are not the first to conduct reviews of the coronial system. Similar exercises were carried out, on government orders, in 1936 and 1965. “Very little happened in response to their reports,” they say. “The (coroners) services are showing the consequence of this neglect. We, and those whom we have consulted, hope that the inaction will not continue.”

Friday, 1 February 2008

Britain Needs a President the same way Custer needed more Indians

Earlier today I logged in to fetch my hotmail and found a link inviting me to read an opinion of why Britain needs a President. It was a powerful presentation. I urge you to go read it while it is still there.

I myself was awestruck to hear on Radio 4 a week or two ago an explanation of how the American Primaries work. How anyone seeking what is called the most powerful political job on earth must, regardless of how much money he has, or how much he can throw at the problem, travel into the hinterland of backwoods hicksville, USA, on a chilly winter afternoon, and stand up in a hall in a backwater civic building on an even chillier winter evening, and persuade Hillbilly Jed and his pal Moonshine Pete, and all of their backwoods friends that they are the man (or woman) to do the job.

My daughter is 22 and has never met a politician in her life. She complains that our politicians whinge that no young people are interested in politics, yet none of them bother to make her aware of how to make her opinion heard, much less go out and find her to canvas her thoughts.

So from this moment I will continue to take the piss out of the candidates for the american presidency, but never again will I take the piss out of the process.

But now I am faced with opinions that we need this here. Well, I for one would enjoy voting for a Prime Minister to lead the current government. I'd vote for Nick Griffin, or Brian Haw. Or anyone the New Liebour scum would have hell on earth working with. It would be marvellous.

But a British PRESIDENT ? No thanks. Not least because the party mechanics would rig the election the way they rigged the Welsh Assembly Regional Seats. And before you know it Our Queen would be unseated to make way for our first woman president. ANd I happen to know the woman in question recently posed for her first official portrait in the role.


Here it is