Halal Ramadan Calender Makes Megabucks For Jewish Businessman

One of the funniest comedians I ever sat in front of the TV to watch was Dave Allen. I particularly liked the sketches, left out of his last shows which concentrated on the 'one man, a stool, a mike and a glass of booze' format. Although something tells me the 'booze' was cold tea.

I'll always remember the way he ended the show with 'goodnight, and may YOUR god go with you'. Coming from a man born in ireland this summed up for me the darkness that fell over that land during what is now euphemistically referred to as 'the troubles'.

But the lighter moments stand out most. His many sketches where he plays the man condemned to die by firing squad for example. I remember one where he makes a last request to have a woman for his last night on earth - and is taken out of his cell the next morning in an open coffin, so we can see him with his boots off and a smile on his face. The sobbing woman follows, and we are left to work out for ourselves that he chose to cheat his executioners by dying of exhaustion or cardiac arrest.

Another sketch had Allen condemned to death for selling the banana republic's army rifles that don't shoot straight. But the firing squad are using those very rifles, and as they fire, the officer commanding the squad falls to the ground.

But his funniest joke, I thought, was the one where the teacher is asking all the pupils as they start school in the new year what they did at christmas. One by one they all tell a tale of toys, toys and more toys. Until it comes to the little jewish boy at the back of the class. He says "On Christmas Day my father and I get up, get the Mercedes out of the garage, and drive into town to our toy factory. We go in and we look around all the empty shelves. Then we get back into the car and drive to the synagogue where we sing 'what a friend we have in jesus'"

So you won't be surprised that when I saw this page on the BBC News Website about a Jewish Businessman who is raking it in through a decision to market "Ramadan Calendars" filled with halal chocolate, the first image that flew to my head was of Dave Allen, sitting on that stool, acting the part of a small jewish boy singing the praises of a religion he didn't himself follow, because those who paid lip service to it allowed his father to make megabucks.

I don't know if Dave Allen's god was pleased to see him about two years ago. But if my turning from the hebrew god and his so-called son a few years ago was a horrendous mistake, at least I have the thought that dave allen will make hell more bearable for us all.

So from me today it's goodbye, and may your god - whatever he, she or it may be - go with you.

Why do I need to speak welsh to announce tax cuts ?

What's this man's views on saving FOURTEEN BILLION POUNDS OF YOUR MONEY got to do with not knowing the words of a National Anthem?

Now that this part of what used to be called the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland has been taken over by the invasion of the cottage burners, the BBC just can't help getting with the (Cymruization) program can it.

Because while most news programmes in England kicked off with the views of this guy on why we should stop pouring money down the drain paying for an army of little hitlers to enforce red tape, the BBC WALES news just couldn't help starting the news item on John Redwood's proposed Fourteen Billion tax cut with footage of him not knowing a song in some dead language.

Would this have anything to do with the need to toady up to the newly ministerial pro-cottage burners at the hot air pit in cardiff bay ? Well as a certain lager maker would say, Probably....

I have news for you of my own. I can't remember the words to the Ring Cycle in the original Norse from which the Klingons stole it, but that never interferes with my ability to wield a big war hammer.

Did you sleep well Saturday Night, Mr Prescott ?

Sometimes it pays to have a good memory and I tip my hat to The Daily Telegraph Online for keeping their archives online for years.

Does anyone else remember this story which told how a grumpy John Two Jags Prescott torpedoed the Fire Brigades Union's negotiations with the local employers over their terms, conditions and working practices. It would appear that when the negotiating team woke him at 3am to get his agreement to prevent the strike from going ahead, he decided to tell them to go away until the morning. By which time the deal was off. A prime example of why this arrogant little shit needs to be brought to book.

But it is with no pleasure at all that I bring the chickens home to roost.


Yesterday morning I woke to find pictures like the one above on my TV screen. And today I find that one damn good reason for the way the fire took hold was that there was a two hour delay before an 'elevating platform' of the type made famous by Messrs Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble and Grub arrived on the scene.

TWO HOURS !! How on earth can a fire engine take like long to get there. Hell even Old Mr Pugh drove faster than that.

Well it's not that simple. You see thanks to the reviews and changes and centralisations brought in thanks to "Two Jags And A Country Manor To Play Croquet On As Well As My Admiralty Apartment" not being interested in a negotiated settlement, the elevating platform in the town's fire station was 'out of service' and so was the one in the next nearest station. In fact the only serviceable elevating platform available had to be driven from PLYMOUTH which is ninety miles away - and across the roads from Plymouth all the way to this hotel that's a two hour drive even with the lights and sirens on all the way.

So sleep well, Mr Prescott. But remember; when in cornwall, move your bed to the ground floor.

PS: Just seen the green arrow's take on this story. It's an interesting read.

Can You Speak Polish ? Thames Valley Police need YOU

Do you speak Polish as well as someone with one of these ?

If so, Thames Valley Police needs YOU!

I just wandered over to the Thames Valley Police website to see if they had said anything more about their new venture in taking children off the streets and giving them meaningful employment as PSCO's and I was completely amazed to find THIS ...

"Thames Valley Police would like to thank all those who responded to the recent news articles asking for applicants for Police Enquiry Centre Operators (PECOs) from Polish speakers, the response has been extremely positive"

I recently had to dial 999 to call an ambulance. A bloke walking through a sports centre car park fell, bashing his head on a car bumper. Blood was going everywhere. But as every emergency first responder knows, head wounds DO that !!! When the atention of myself and three others failed to stem the flow we called for the cavalry...

It took ages to get through. The woman on the other end sounded like she was taking orders for a curry house. She couldn't understand a word I said and only after this guy had lost another half pint and i threatened to call the BBC, the Times and The SUN (!) if the guy bled to death did this woman transfer me to someone who spoke english properly.

So I'm well aware of the need for those calling for emergency assiatance to get through to someone who speaks the caller's language as their first language.

What I want to know is why Thames Valley feel the need to be as well equipped as Warsaw ?

No Further Action On The Juke Box Juror

In this post I told the tale of an islamic woman whose contempt for justice knew few bounds. After her attempts to avoid jury service came to naught he was called to serve in the jury at the trial of an alleged murderer.

Her response was to sit in the jury box doodling and listening to music on her MP3 player under her moslem headscarf.

When this was discovered she was thrown off the jury and reported to the police.

It seems the dhimmi ministry of injustice don't give a shit. Because they have just decided there was 'insufficient evidence' to bring a case of contrmpt of court against her. Read the details of their sickening surrender here

By Odin it makes my blood boil

Scandal of the Thames Valley Blunkett Baby Bobbies

It is an old joke that policemen are getting younger every day. But now the joke is on us. In this page on their online site the daily telegraph reveals that Thames Valley Police have recruited two 16-year-olds as police community support officers.

These children - and let us not mince words here, children they still are, despite their laudable desire to join the forces of law and order - will be given the full powers of a Community Support Officer.

They will have the authgority to detain and question suspects.

They will have the power to confiscate alcohol from those drinking it in 'prohibited areas' although if they were found carrying it themselves out of uniform anywhere it would mean arrest and hefty fines for whatever shopkeeper sold it to them or whoever procured it for them.

They will be able to direct traffic although they can't possibly have legally driven anything bigger than a moped.

And they can't themselves buy the knives their assailants will try to stab them with.

They will have a slight problem dealing with annoyed punters in betting shops and cinemas showing 18-cert films too. They can't legally enter such buildings. And while only a madman - or a penny-pinching government - would be crazy enough to do it, if they were sent as boys to do the ultimate man's (or grown woman's job) of sorting out a disagrement between men in a pub - they will have a problem. For they are too young to enter most after 9pm, and too youing to enter some at any time of day.

And maybe no sensible person will be surprised that Jan Berry, chairman of the Police Federation said hiring 16-year-olds as support officers was “a few steps too far”. Because lets be honest the one thing the Police Federation probably has a fair idea about is what situations their members have to deal with.

So what the hell is going on ?

Well, it's obvious really.

A Thames Valley PSCO salary runs from £17,000 to £20,000. The salary for a full-time police officer starts at £21,000 and rises to £33,000. So with Employers NI on top, a "proper copper" costs a MIMIMUM of nearly five grand more than his "Blunkett Baby" replacement. And whilst a REAL policeman can't don his helmet until he reaches the age of majority, the politicos in Blind Pew Blunkett's Department neatly omited that requirement for these joke bobby replacements.

But there is perhaps some hope these kids on the beat may have their uses. Hopefully they may be better able, through the power of 'empathy' to deal with issues like this where a 19 year old PSCO was injured by 16 year olds on off-road pushbikes.

You Know You're Living In Britainistan When ...

With all the fuss about adverts on facebook I thought I'd pop over to the site and see if I could actually find the pages concerned. I failed miserably. What I did find while searching was a lot of links to a lot of people who seem to be getting very hot under the collar.

And then I found this little nugget of gold. A facebook group dedicated to those who have set their views aside just long enough to fill their boots in one way or another in saudi arabia. Entitled "You Know You're Living In Saudi When ..." I thought there were quite a few that will apply in the Caliphate of Britainistan fairly soon...

See how many of the following will apply on a street near you before you realise it...


Your idea of housework is leaving a list for the housekeeper

You think black is appropriate daytime wear

You wear a jacket inside and take it off when you go out

You know which end of a swarma to unwrap

You think that the further you inch into an intersection the faster the light will turn green

You give directions by landmarks

You have more carpets than floor space

You expect gold for every birthday

You send your friends a map instead of your address

You begin admiring other women's "Designer" abayas

You expect to pay more for water than for petrol

You've heard of or tried "hubbly bubbly."

You get confused because US money isn't color-coded.

You remember not eating in public in the daytime during the holy month of Ramadan.

You know someone is referring to Pepsi when they say "BEBSI".

You have ever had to wait for prayer call to be over to finish shopping.

You have friends from 50 different countries.

Rain is still one of the most wonderful sounds in the world.

You have sat in a "men's" or "women's" section in an airport, hospital, or
restaurant.

You think anyone with a cane is out to get you.

You think a desert storm is a war.

You think a red light means "step on it."

You don't think it is ostentatious to own more than one Rolex.

Your school closes early because of sandstorms

You are not surprised to see an 8 year old driving the car next to you

You can't buy anything without asking for a discount

You think cars only come in white.

Oh I do like to be beside the seaside

Isn't GPRS Wonderful !
Posting this from the sunny (and yes for a change it IS) west wales coast. Normal transmission will be resumed once i've finished chilling out

Working in the UK (3): Come On In, The Legal Climate's Lovely

Need a Fast-Tracked Visa for a Nanny ? No Problem Darlin. After all, it's not as if I could see the look of disgust on your face as you pleasure me in return, is it?


This is the third article in my series considering working in the UK today.

It seems that in 2002 some clown had the really bright idea to start a scheme encouraging "highly skilled" people with no current legal right to ENTER, let alone WORK in the UK, to come and do both, and in return we would hand them and their family the right of abode. Of course, this privilige was only to be accorded to a select few highly qualified people. Doctors, Surgeons, Scientists.

This variation of "open the gates and let 'em in" succeeded beyond the wildest dreams of the lout responsible. For since the introduction of this open door, FORTY NINE THOUSAND people have taken advantage of it. And it seems that at leasty SOME within the government are getting uneasy about it. Because last year the government decided to tighten the rules. And insisted on bringing in a points-based admission system whereby, for example, not being able to speak english would seriously impair your right to a renewal of your visa and grant you a plane ride home.

But it seems our legal buffs - or should that be buffoons - are unhappy at this rewriting of the rules, this 'blatant moving of the goalposts half way throught the game'. And now these changes have been ruled unlawful as they breach our human rights acts. Read the details for yourself here

Now I confess to having had some success in putting down this government's last corrupt attempt at opening the floodgates to all and sundry. Because I helped to show the lies, manipulation of statistics and outright corruption at the heart of Tony Blair's 'Fast Tracked Visa' system that opened this country to floods of indian IT workers on the grounds that the home-brewed ones being shafted by Gordon's IR35 and S660 legislation didn't count as "available expertise".

But I regret not having found the clout to deal with the other sort of fast tracked visa corruption as demonstrated by my featured celebrity pictured at the top of this post.

But I live in hope that one day someone in whatever is left of the home office will wake up and reject the claptrap advocated by one Mr Danny Sriskandandarajah (just how do you pronounce that surname anyway) who demands an amnesty for half a milion illegal immigrants on the grounds that they will pay £1 billion in extra taxes and save us £4.7 billion in costs to deport them.

Because I fear that if the current incumbent at number ten is unwilling to check these people out, it will be necessary to find someone that will. And surely we can find a way to do it for less that £4.7 billion. A couple of landing craft to dump 'em back on the beach at calais at gunpoint, and handing out guns to our new border patrol force, should do the trick ...

Working In The UK Today (2): Open The Floodgates!

In the second of my posts on working in the UK today I thought I'd focus for a moment on the numbers of people being allowed into this country to work. I've grabbed a number of PDF and Excel spreadsheets from the Department of Work and Pensions website, but essentially they merely reinforce the summary you can read for yourself on this page on the BBC News Website.

Since 2002, TWO AND A HALF MILLION people have walked into this country to take a job. The figures for last year show that SEVEN HUNDRED AND THIRTEEN THOUSAND entered the country last year alone, and THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND of those were from OUTSIDE the European Union area.

Now we all remember the pictures in the South Wales Argus that accompanied this report in January 2006 covering the recruitment of 22 newly qualified nurses from Spain to work at the Royal Gwent alongside 18 reruited the previous october and a number of Filipinos.

Now having spent time in Caerphilly Miners Hospital in October 2005 being pumped with intravenous antibiotics to prevent septicaemia, I can testify personally to the nursing shortage. And as long as these nurses ARE qualified and have the language skills to fetch a catheter and not a castanet, who cares where they come from?

Well I would have been more impressed if the oily rag in a sharp suit rolled out by the Gwent NHS Trust had answered the question 'Where Will Madrid And Barcelona get Its Nurses From Now ?" instead of concentrating on how these "newly qualified staff" would be paid exactly the same as local nurses of the same grade and experience. After all, this is the NHS, not some dodgy cockle picking gangmaster operation ...

And I am uneasy about the need for these nurses to have six hours of english language teaching every week. Although my academic qualifications would allow me to apply for a research lab job, how many Italian Hospitals or Crime labs would employ me before I could order a pizza in the language of the New Romans ? And is 'Hola, Un Cerveza, Por Favor' enough to get me the into a white coat in the labs in barcelona ? I think not.

It's a pity then that the plan of a Spanish Reality TV show to shadow one of these new recruits was rent asunder shortly after this PR exercise. Because the Gwent NHS fund paying their salaries ran dry thanks to the new GP contracts and the need to bribe a birmingham GP £250,000 to set up his surgery in Torfaen after a practice there shut when the local man retired. So these Spanish lovelies, and lots of others, were laid off and sent packing.

But these were only a drop in the ocean, and they all had passports allowing them to come here to work by right of being an EU citizen.

What the hell are we doing allowing another THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND people with NO such right to work here in ? Who are these people and what jobs are they doing ? How many of them are among the highly-bribed 49,000 'Highly Skilled Migrants' we can now not remove from our midst ?

Working In the UK Today: (1) The Undercover Lithuanian

Hey. Dig this cool coat of arms. White Armoured Knight Rides White Charger Rampant Into Battle Wielding SERIOUSLY Big Sword. It just HAS to be a Paladin wielding a '+5 Holy Avenger' on his way to kick the arse of the ever present evil one. Right ?

Well, maybe. But actually if you pop over here you'll find it's the coat of arms of Lithuania. And it is a tale from that country that I'd like to draw to your attention as the first in a series of posts I'm making under the general title 'Working In The UK Today'. The details of this story were published here on the BBC News Website in April 2007.

Audrius Lelkaitis, a TV journalist living in Lithuania, agreed to take part in a BBC News investigation, posing as an unskilled worker who did not speak english seeking work in the UK. Before leaving Lithuania he paid £180 to Focus Staff Limited, a licensed employment agency and was promised work in the UK at the minimum wage of £5.35 per hour. He had also handed over £160 to "CCCP UK Limited" who are described in the BBC article as "the middlemen in London"

Arriving in Hull there was no-one to meet him. He phoned CCP UK and was given a contact number for 'Andrei' at Focus Staff who claimed he was not expected. Taken to 'accomodation' where three shared a room with no bedding and little furniture, he was left for six days and then taken to a farm in North Yorkshire at 20 minutes notice where 12 men and women shared a room, 10 others lived upstairs, three slept in a camper van, and all shared three toilets and two showers. And they were being charged £50 a week for this 'accomodation' and had to pay even if they moved out.

Working a 12-hour night shift at a chemical packing plant, he shifted bags of material around by hoist and was operating machinery without any training. After a fortnight someone from the company came with pay - but not for him. After more than 120 hours work he was paid £47 in cash, and given a payslip saying he had been paid £97 for 20 hours at £4.85 an hour - a rate below the NMW.

Audruis ends his report saying "I felt miserable. If it had been for real, I am sure I would not have escaped some suicidal thoughts. This may not be slavery, but I felt like a slave. Luckily for me, it was time to leave and reveal to the agencies that this was part of a BBC investigation."

Focus Staff deny any involvement with CCCP UK and say all workers said workers were treated fairly and in line with UK employment law. CCCP UK and the Lithuanian agency, ITC, also denied any involvement in illegal activity.

Immigrant Mineworkers Wanted

I can't think of ANYTHING guaranteed to stir up emotions around this neck of the woods more than the picture above, and what it really represents to thousands, no TENS of thousands of people, generation after generation. Because there was a time when coal and coal mining WAS what south wales DID. And Yorkshire. And a fair few other places around this country too. Where men like these went into the bowels of the earth and hacked from it the lumps of hard black gold that fuelled our fires, our power stations, our ships of trade and our ships of war. And far too many of them went down into the bowels of the earth never to come back into the clean fresh air afterwards. I remember my grandmother got REALLY worked up when she heard I was planning to go down into the 'Big Pit' tourist attraction.

I didn't go down there in the end, but mainly because a friend at work told me the guy who would be working the lift used to work it for real miners and and now worked it for a theme park. After I heard that it didn't seem right to have him take me down there as a tourist.

So it is with mixed emotions that I read on the BBC news website that the Unity mine at Cwmgwrach in the Neath Valley, a drift mine closed since 1998, has been reopened for business now that demand for coal in china and rising energy prices have made extraction of some of its reserves of up to 90 million tonnes economically viable.

But although the mine is expected to come into full industrial production in early 2008, and looks to employ about 120 people, most will be immigrant from Poland. Because thanks to Maggie Thatcher we have no skilled miners anymore.

Read the full story here.

Home Information Pack £700, fine £200. No contest is it.

I heard something amazing this morning.

On the Independent Local Radio News bulletins at 06:00 the lead story was the introduction of that half baked, half thought out waste of space the Home Information Pack, designed to fill the boots of Tony Blair's fellow legal chums to a depth of between £300 and £700 depending on whose radio station you listen to.

Because according to Red Dragon Radio this morning at 06:00 the pack costs between £400 and £700

Yet miraculously the BBC is having a bargain basement sale. For by 07:00 the Radio 4 news buletin priced them at between £300 and £500.

Clearly, like every other worthless piece of trash this government invents, their worth shrivels when they are exposed to the harsh morning sun. A bit like the MPs I suppose

But guess what the fine for trying to sell your house without a HIP is ? £200.

Yes folks you too can save yourself five hunmdred smackaroonies by telling the namby-pamby arse-wipes in westminster what they can do with their HIPs.

Joined Up Government ? Don't make me larf.